A Big Salute to Jeff Foxworthy

A big salute to Jeff Foxworthy. I will start with a small story about my grandmother, God rest her soul. It was during the depression that my grandmother came to Chicago from a small Iowa town. She went to apply for a job at Marshal Fields. The line to apply for the job was out the door, down one block, and around the corner. My grandmother dutifully waited in line. Before long one of the store managers comes outside and walking down the line. He pulls my grandmother out of the line and brings her inside and gives her the job. When my grandmother asked the store manager why he did that, his reply was simple. He looked right at my grandmother and said, “I need someone I can trust and you look like a cornrow jumper from way back”

What reminded me of this was something we watched her at the convent the other day. It was entitled “Blue Collar Comedy Tour.” Mother Superior brought it home for us to watch. One of the featured comedians was Jeff Foxworthy. And so, I present some of my favorite “You might be a redneck if…” lines. Thank you for all the laughter Jeff Foxworthy.

You might be a redneck if…

…You ever cut your grass and found a car.
…You own a home that is mobile and 5 cars that aren't
…You think a chain saw is a musical instrument
…Your home has more miles on it than your car
…You think that Dom Perignon is a mafia leader

…Your mother doesn't remove the Marlboro from her lips before telling the State Trooper to kiss her ass.

…Your front porch collapses and kills more than three dogs.(while my front porch never collapsed, I did once own four dogs)

…The first words out of your mouth every time you see friends are "Howdy!" "HEY!" or "How Y'all Doin?" (Sister Julie raises her hand - guilty as charged - “howdy”)

…You think the last words to the Star Spangled Banner are "Gentlemen, start your engines." (Too true in my case, but those days are now gone.)

And I will add my own…You read a list of Jeff Foxworthy “You might be a redneck if” jokes and find at least three that apply to you.