Gee...are you sure?

A big salute to the masters of the obvious…the headline in today’s local newspaper said “Science says it’s our fault.” It seems that, according to associated press, a panel of “the worlds leading climate scientists said global warming has begun [and], is ‘very likely’ caused by man…” Gee ladies and gents – do ya’ think? That is sort of like being run over by a truck, seeing the tire treads across your back and saying, “That was very likely a truck that ran me down.”

A Big Salute to Dr. King

A big salute to Dr.Martin Luther King, Happy Birthday. Today one of the quotes by this great man speaks to us about todays headlines - "guided missiles and misguided men"

A big salute to Stan Freberg

A big salute to Stan Freberg. Before there was Weird Al’ Yankovic there was Stan Freberg. The movie called “Pursuit of Happiness” reminded me of an exchange on one of Stan Freberg’s albums. In it Ben Franklinis reluctant to sign the Declaration of Independence. Thomas Jefferson presents the document to Benjamin Franklin to read, which he does, aloud. The following exchange takes place:

"When in the course of human events . . . da, da, da . . . da, da, da . . . Life, liberty and the Purfuit of Happineff. All your s's look like f's here" he says. Thomas Jefferson says, “it’s styling, it’s in, its very in.” Shortly thereafter they break into a song called “A man can’t be to careful what he signs these days.”

"A Man Can't Be Too Careful What He Signs These Days"

"Come on and put your name on the dotted line
I gotta be particular what I sign
It's just a piece of paper
Just a piece of paper, that's what you say
Come on and put your signature on the list
It looks to have a subversive twist
How silly to assume it
Won't you nom de plum it today
You're so skittish
Who possibly could care if you do
The un-British activities committee, that's who
Let's have a little drink-o and fill the quill
It sounds a little pink-o to me but still
Knock off the timid manner
If you want a banner to raise
Banner to raise
You must take a stand
For this brave new land
For who wants to live
So conservative?
I don't disagree but a man can't be
Too careful what he signs these days"

What were they thinking???

Today I don’t have a “Big Salute” but rather a “What where they thinking?” for you. In the convent’s morning paper there was a small article by the associated press toward the back of the paper. The title of the article was simply “Steal the snake, buy the book.” It is about an incident that occurred in Cleveland Heights, Ohio. A young man, fifteen years old, and his mother were arrested for stealing a snake from a pet store. Now it is not bad enough that they stole the snake, but they later went back to the SAME pet store to buy books on how to take care of the snake. That is when they were recognized and arrested.

If this is not bad enough…

A security video showed the young man stealing the thirty inch snake by wrapping it around his neck - the type of snake? A boa constrictor.

Kind of makes me wonder.

God Bless you all,

Sister Julie

A big salute to heros like Wesley Autrey

A big salute to Wesley Autrey who rescued a teenager in New York City who had fallen off a subway platform. Not having time to pull the young man back onto the platform he dove down on top of him, pining him down as the train passed by overhead – 2 inches overhead.

He is quoted in an Associated Press article today as saying “I don’t feel like I did something spectacular; I just saw someone who needed help.” He told the times, “I did what I felt was right.”

I have been on a train that hit a passenger in the subway. I have seen the person pinned, alive, under the train. As was pointed out by New York City Transit Officials in the article, the troughs in between the rails are typically about 12 inches deep but can be as shallow as 8 inches or as deep as 24 inches. This act of heroism is one of the bravest acts I have heard of in recent times.

A big salute to Latin and Henry Beard

Today’s big salute goes out to Henry Beard and his book “Latin for all Occasions”

I will begin the salute with a small story. It begins with a common phrase that is called “Dog Latin.” That phrase is “Illegitimi Non Carborundum.” Pseudo Latin for “don’t let the bastards wear you down. If is funny how a turn of a phrase can evoke so many memories for us. In my case this brings back two specific memories. When my grandparents were still alive they had a friend who was named “Bob Banks.” Ironically Mr. Banks was a banker. He had a very small German car. He said there were only two like it in the country and he may have been right - I have never seen anything like it before or since. It was so small, that even at my young age then, I could sit in it and still reach out and touch the ground with my hand. Think of it as a convertible clown car. On the back of this car was a sign. That sign read, as you have guessed by now, “Illegitimi Non Carborundum.” On holidays such as the fourth of July, there would be outdoor gatherings at Mr. Bank’s house where he would take us for rides in his small car.

And THAT memory brings me just a bit further down the road to another one…

At one of these gatherings, my Grandfather, “Hal” (God rest his soul) was present. It was a hot day but granddad wore his long pants, golf shirt, and snap-brim gold hat all the same. Everyone else at the party above their teenage years were in shorts. As the party wore on granddad got more and more snookered. Throughout the barbeque everyone kept asking granddad “Hey Hal, where are your shorts?” and “Did you forget your shorts?”

Eventually granddad, very snookered by now, disappeared into Mr. Bank’s house. A few “brief” moments later he came out in just that - his briefs and his hat. He ran around the back yard in his semi-nude state yelling “forgot my shorts did I? forgot my shorts did I?”

So hats off to Henry Beard for evoking such a fun memory. I present, herewith, some of the fun Latin phrases from his book, one of which will be the title for today’s column on the main page.

Cum catapultae proscriptae erunt tum soli proscripti catapultas habebunt - When catapults are outlawed, only outlaws will have catapults

Si hoc adfixum in obice legere potes, et liberaliter educatus et nimis propinquus ades - If you can read this bumper sticker, you are both very well educated and much too close

Re vera, cara mea, mea nil refert - Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn

Noli nothis permittere te terere - Don't let the bastards wear you down

Quantum materiae materietur marmota monax si marmota monax materiam possit materiari? - How much wood would a woodchuck chuck is a woodchuck could chuck wood?

Dic mihi solum facta, domina - Just the facts, ma'am

…and my personal favorite and the title of today’s column:

Caesar si viveret, ad remum dareris - If Caesar were alive, you'd be chained to an oar

A Big Salute to Jeff Foxworthy

A big salute to Jeff Foxworthy. I will start with a small story about my grandmother, God rest her soul. It was during the depression that my grandmother came to Chicago from a small Iowa town. She went to apply for a job at Marshal Fields. The line to apply for the job was out the door, down one block, and around the corner. My grandmother dutifully waited in line. Before long one of the store managers comes outside and walking down the line. He pulls my grandmother out of the line and brings her inside and gives her the job. When my grandmother asked the store manager why he did that, his reply was simple. He looked right at my grandmother and said, “I need someone I can trust and you look like a cornrow jumper from way back”

What reminded me of this was something we watched her at the convent the other day. It was entitled “Blue Collar Comedy Tour.” Mother Superior brought it home for us to watch. One of the featured comedians was Jeff Foxworthy. And so, I present some of my favorite “You might be a redneck if…” lines. Thank you for all the laughter Jeff Foxworthy.

You might be a redneck if…

…You ever cut your grass and found a car.
…You own a home that is mobile and 5 cars that aren't
…You think a chain saw is a musical instrument
…Your home has more miles on it than your car
…You think that Dom Perignon is a mafia leader

…Your mother doesn't remove the Marlboro from her lips before telling the State Trooper to kiss her ass.

…Your front porch collapses and kills more than three dogs.(while my front porch never collapsed, I did once own four dogs)

…The first words out of your mouth every time you see friends are "Howdy!" "HEY!" or "How Y'all Doin?" (Sister Julie raises her hand - guilty as charged - “howdy”)

…You think the last words to the Star Spangled Banner are "Gentlemen, start your engines." (Too true in my case, but those days are now gone.)

And I will add my own…You read a list of Jeff Foxworthy “You might be a redneck if” jokes and find at least three that apply to you.

Big Salute for Dec. 31, 2006

Today's big salute goes to the squirrel or squirrels unknown who made off with an ENTIRE PIE that was on a table behind the convent. That was quite a job fellas! Enjoy your New Year's celebration!